Plot Outline: The Moth's Wing
- Begin with quote about how the beating of a butterfly’s wing in
Brazil can affect the weather in the Rockies. This applies to moths
as well.
- A fictional vice president with an uncanny resemblance to Dick Cheney
watches a Lars Von Trier marathon. It offends him.
- In order to address this offense, he calls a meeting of a shadowy group
of officials, bearing an uncanny resemblance to the National Security Council.
They plot to destabilize the economy of LVT’s homeland, Denmark, making
future productions by Zentropa Enterprizes less likely (the VP has nothing
against LVT’s partner at Zentropa, Peter Ålbæk Jensen,
though). The irony that they sit in chairs designed by Aksel Bender
Madson and Ejner Larsen eludes them.
- They flood the market with knockoff Legos and spread rumors through media
channels that Danes are un-American. Three state legislatures introduce
bills mandating that Danish pastries be called “Davis” pastries,
after the former president of the Confederacy. Some Americans find
this offensive; some find these pastries “too fruity” for such
a tribute.
- Confusing the Danes and the Dutch, many Americans also boycott tulips.
Several people forget to hate France.
- The Danish economy is unaffected, though Legoland in Carlsbad, California
becomes a ghost town and Ikea sales drop precipitously. Swedes are
confused.
- With all the attention on Denmark, Americans realize that the Danish
royal family is much more beautiful and charming than the English one.
The tabloids take note and each major studio begins production on Cinderella-style
projects with princes named Arend, Pedar, Ulrik, and of course, Søren.
One of these proposed scripts originally incorporated elements of Beauty
and the Beast until talent scouts ascertained that there are no unattractive
Danes.
- An email claiming that the traditional Danish greeting, “God dag!”
is pagan reaches millions. Its impact is eclipsed by a competing email that
claims Warren Buffett will send Chocolate Peeps to anyone who signs and
forwards the email (“It can’t hurt!”)
- With his plans to destabilize the Danish economy failing, the VP and
his shadowy council target Lars Von Trier directly. They don’t
work quickly enough, though; his collaboration with Chris Columbus, Four
Combines of Home Alone with Obstructions becomes a darling of the critics,
despite a seven and a half hour running time. Lars Von Trier is bulletproof.
- LVT is kidnapped by a paramilitary Delaware corporation and secreted
to North Korea, when a dictator with an uncanny resemblance to Kim Jong
Il forces him to film a Mothra (Mosura) knockoff.
- It blows Kim’s mind. He bans both moths and nuclear warfare.
Though still crazy as a loon, he becomes less evil.
- Burma/Myanmar replaces North Korea on the Axis of Evil. The VP
is incensed when Lars Von Trier receives the credit for reuniting the Korean
Peninsula. As the above outline proves, the VP deserves the credit.
To calm himself, he views an Academy-authorized copy of Cinderella Man.
Now that’s a movie!
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