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On the surface, PrancyHorse.com is a fun, multi-colored site
filled with clever diversions and biting commentary. But a
sober reality underlies the sparkly exterior. PrancyHorse.com
is not as it appears.
In the early 19th century, Napoleon Bonaparte
and a few hundred thousand acquaintances freed most of the cerfs
in central Europe. (Today, many historians and French view this
as a rather nice thing for him and the acquaintances to do.)
While Napoleon subsequently did some other things that weren't
quite so nice, such as shaming many of the cerfs into walking to
Russia with him, where it was very cold, it still was bully of
him to free the cerfs. The life of a cerf, after all, isn't a
pot of honey.
Unfortunately for several of the cerfs, after
the walking to Russia incident and a few other tactical
setbacks, Napoleon Bonaparte developed a case of untimely
death. I say "unfortunately" because several of the
well-connected, cane-wielding, crown-prince-loving reactionary
crowd did not look so fondly on this notion of Freedom that the
French shared with the cerfs of central Europe. Chief among
those that pined for the days of the state sanctioned pastoral
slavery was Prince Klemens von Metternich, who cast a net of
misery over the briefly liberated region.
With a snap of his well manicured thumb and ring
finger, Metternich re-cerfed the cerfs and broke many a proud
farmer man and knitter woman.
Let us not mince words: Prince Klemens von
Metternich was a bad master, a diabolical man and a far sighted
mind. The repercussions of his actions far outlived his death.
In a quaint village near Regensburg centuries ago, a small group
of old cerfs with long memories gathered each year on the
anniversary of Metternich's death to exchange fears that the
mercurial Prince would confound death and his vile ways would
well up in fonts across the land. They formed the Burrowing
League - a secret society dedicated to fighting the good fight
and ridding Central Europe of future Metternichs. Their spotty
record on this is largely due to the fact that the descendants
of the original Burrowing League emigrated to Northern Ohio and
eventually to Central California, where until recently there has
been a dearth of evil, manipulative rulers.
It's been years since Prince Klemens von
Metternich passed his mantel on to other foul men with good
posture and the world has forgotten him. Though bad men surface
from time to time in positions of great power, few share the
cunning and tenacity of Prince Klemens von Metternich. That is
why recent events in the greater Stockton area are so alarming.
Rumor and conjecture point to a re-emergence of the dread prince
in equine form. While we realize that this seems improbably, we
have reason to believe our sources and so should you. This is
not merely a shadow of the slaver of old, but the real McCoy.
The soul and DNA of Metternich resides in a cute
prancy pony. The story behind this tragic turn is too
convoluted to get into here, but mark these words: This is a
horse to be reckoned with, who will not stop until he has
reworded the world in his contemptible image. The Burrowing
Society has picked this time to re-emerge and try to stamp out
terror once more. For an information packet on Prancy Horse and
the Burrowing Society's ongoing attempts to foil his plans,
please email Horst Dreifachbuchstaber at
HDrei@prancyhorse.com.
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